She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
