I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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