Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
