woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
