I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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