god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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