Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
