Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My penis needs a shock collar
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
