If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
