Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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