Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize