I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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