really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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