omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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