He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
