You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
