I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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