she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
