What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
