Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
