I puked a lego.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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