piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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