he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize