cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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