i just wanna soil my oats bro
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
