I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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