or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
