I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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