covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ugly people sure do ruin things
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
