I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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