No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
