Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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