I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
