I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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