just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize