I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Semen is not good for contacts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize