I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
