the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
