Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize