I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to align my fucking chakras
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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