It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
