Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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