YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
