I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
