I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
