ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
