it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My balls are so social today.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
