So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
