Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
