im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So much rum. So many feels.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
