the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
