this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
