I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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