Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
