I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
