my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
