I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
