I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
