Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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