Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
