I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
