all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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